Theatre Of The Absurd

At the balcony, smokers assemble for a break. Smoke-edged words hang heavy in the air, long after they leave. I head for the loo - my refuge where I piece my sanity together. Take it easy, I tell myself...Chill...It's only October..Too early to take stock of your life...To walk those roads again where you stumbled...To relive those moments when you walked on the clouds...To gleefully show Life the finger, saying with a wink: "Here I still am, sweetheart!" We are readying the last rites for 2007...Soon, I will find myself making resolutions for 2008...The first resolution should be to carry out all resolutions...Now, I'll hold the looking glass of narcissism and take a plunge into the dark depths of existentialism and emerge in one piece, hopefully...

Why the hell am I here? What's my aim in life? Yep...My brain's as addled as it was at 18...At 18, I wanted to hurry up Time...Fly fast, fly! Make me 27/28 quick so that I'd have achieved my aim safely by then and need not worry about it...Little did I know that as I steady myself on the quicksand of another year, I would still be puzzled about that evasive 'aim in life...' What exactly do I want? Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said there are only two tragedies - Not knowing what one wants and knowing what one wants. Perhaps, there are two kinds of people too - smart ones who know their destination and are armed with the requisite gear and hopeless ones like me who don't know where their own feet are taking but are grateful they have travelled so far without a guiding star or a map...It was all about following my instincts, though my instincts have not led me to a remarkable spot under the sun...

Wherever I am, I feel lucky right now am here...Though a lil lost on the highway of life, I can see the long, winding road ahead...Perhaps as I walk, I'll make my own discoveries...Not the ones that create history and earn you your fifteen minutes of fame (Among other things, I love Andy Warhol for predicting:"In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes") but the ones that create a new geographical terrain, a wee bit smooth and a wee bit craggy, where I wander, meander or flop down as I discover myself somewhere outside my Self...

But I can see it's one helluva road...And I am not alone...As I walk, I meet fellow walkers...Some quicken their pace, leaving me behind...Sometimes, I race ahead while they trudge along...Sometimes, they look back to catch a glimpse of me...And at times, I look back to reassure myself they were indeed there once upon a time, walking side by side with me...They find new companions, I meet new ones...At times I am sad, when I walk and find them by the road, waiting for me...And I say, with a half-strangled guilt :"Sorry, I have moved on"...And I walk past them, while they wonder why they left me midway...And while they pause, I am glad they once had left me behind...

And for some, I wait...Hoping against hope they'll catch up with me soon...Or I walk back a bit, hoping to see them quick...Or run ahead a bit to keep pace with them...And somewhere down the road I realise, I must let go of people who want to go...And accept those who want to be with me, and with whom I want to be too...As I trace some faint outlines, I realise some have changed in a few seconds...The shock of recognition sinks, taking its own sweet time...And I bid adieu to friends who have become strangers, and meet strangers who become friends...


Some stay, blindly making their way with me on foggy nights...Some see me only in the bright, white light of a sunny day when I squint my eyes, staring at the fierce sun and my eyes hurt and despite the stupid tears, I stare defiantly at the sun like I did as a kid...Some get wet with me on a rainy night, despite the threats of a chill and a fever...And some get lost in the mists of time, never to reappear...

And I wonder, how long do I have to perform in this Theatre of the Absurd...Who cares whether I hear an applause or feel the brickbats hurled at me? All I know is that I don't wanna hear shouts of "Encore!" I simply will hope I gave it all my best...Hope, as Arthur Miller said, I finally manage to take life in my arms :-) After the performance, I want the lights to slowly fade out and the curtain to come down with a finality...Finis.